Young Children Learn A Lot When They Play

Invite other children to your home or to play in the neighborhood park.

• The first visit needs to be short (about 1 hour) and is best with only one other child.

• Plan to end before everyone gets too tired.

• Know how to contact the other child's parent.

Go to another child's home.

• For the first visit, you may want to stay until you know your child is comfortable being there without you.

• Get to know the other child's parents. You might be able to help each other out!

Join an organized play group.

• When playing without parents, children do best with a small number of children.

Find out with whom your child likes to play.

• For children in child care, preschool, and play groups, invite a friend to your house or to the park.

Set a few simple and very specific rules.

• "People are not for hitting."

• "We do not grab toys from other children."

Help your child express likes, dislikes, and desires with words. Review what to say.

• "I like to paint on the easel."

• "I do not like to..."

• "I want to be a firefighter."

Show your child how to solve problems. Explain why something is not possible and offer other choices.

• "Tell Julie you don't like to be pushed on the swing. Maybe you would both like to ride on the seesaw instead."

Notice and praise the children for things that went well.

• "I really liked the way you remembered to take turns with the watering can."

• "It was great to hear you using your polite words!"

Provide the right amount of space.

A small number of children in a very large space, or a large number of children in a small space, tends to increase aggressive play. Have the right amount of space to avoid conflicts.

Plan how to respond in a positive way.

It's easier to guide children to good behavior instead of telling them what not to do. "I will be right here; come and tell me if you need my help."

Redirect behaviors like pushing, hitting, or taking someone else's toys to a more positive activity.

Often, this means it's time for a new activity. "We don't grab toys; we share toys. It looks like you're done with that truck for now. Here are some paper and markers for you."

Teach children to use words to express feelings, desires, and needs.

A child's first reaction is usually "physical," so this may be difficult to learn. With words, children learn how to solve their own problems. Teach your child to say something like, "I don't like that. Grabbing my toy makes me mad. Please give it back."

Assume a child does something for a good reason, even if the action is not nice.

What looks aggressive, like grabbing toys from others, may be a child's attempt to join in with others. Teach children to take turns rather than get mad at them for grabbing toys.

Pay attention to basic comfort and needs.

Conflicts are more likely to happen when children are too hot, too cold, hungry, or tired!

Your positive attitude is very important when your child is having a hard time.

Help your child understand why another child might not want to play when or what your child does.

• "Jenny doesn't want to play, but maybe Emma does. Why don't you ask her?"

• "I wonder if José would rather paint than play ball."